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The Bunny
We have a tradition that started as a result of a story from my first year in college. I was home from school and was on little sleep from midterms. When I asked my mom while we were at the store, why did the chocolate bunnies look so shady. That Easter, I received a sketchy eyed chocolate bunny. I told this story to my husband, and for the past 6 Easters, he has found the creepiest bunny and sets him by our bed. The past few years, we began hiding him for each other, and these bunnies have been found in some interesting places. It’s one of my favorite traditions because it’s unique to Mark and I. If I can recommend anything to married couples, it’s to find something that you can do with each other that is special to you. Whether it’s a shared hobby, a class you take together, or hiding a creepy chocolate bunny, these are great bonding activities and give great memories.
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The Incredibles
Have any of you seen the second Incredibles movie? The one where the mom is away doing superhero things, but the dad was left at home? The moment when Mr. Incredible rants about how hard parenting is and the scene where he’s worn out and needs Edna’s help are all very real to how I feel sometimes as a mom. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, and want nothing more than to juggle all of the things in our life with ease. I want to be incredible and a supermom, but it isn’t possible. I love our children and my husband, I want them all to be happy, healthy, and thriving. I want to be what everyone needs, but I can’t be. To be completely honest, I wasn’t designed to be everything for everyone. In my own way, I am incredible to God just as he made me.
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Dragging along
I woke up grumpy today. We were running late to church already and I decided that I didn’t want to go. I was frustrated. I felt defeated because of my physical appearance, I felt far from God because of where my head was, and I wanted nothing to do with any of it this morning. I feel like a walrus and have quite the terrible temperment about it. How am I supposed to pray for others if I can’t pray for myself? How can I encourage others if I can’t encourage myself. I told my husband I wanted to sit in the car and just listen to church online. I couldn’t bring myself to sit in his presence today, all broken and dejected. I wanted to hide from him until I could be polished again. As one can imagine, the story ended differently than I had intended. Mark told me to get out of the car and sit in the chair, he knew I’d regret my decision and wanted me to be in the same room as friends, family, and fellow worshippers. Our message was beautiful but a little hard for me because thos message required a lot of reflection about my life over these 32 years and what I want to place most importantly for however many years God sees fit to bless me with. There were tears, quite some remorse, but there was also an indescribable joy that everything in our lives could be redeemed if we trusted in God and asked. I left church feeling better than when I had arrived and with a hope in my heart that can only come from the company of God.
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Firm Foundations
What do you build your life on? Have you ever thought about what the number one priority in your life is? Think about it like this, if you were a company, what would your mission statement be? What are your values? We started a new series at our church this week (shout out to our pastor for the always great sermon), and that was a question we were asked to really consider. I would love to say that my foundation for all things is God, but with some inward thinking and soul searching, I found that I don’t always make Him my number one. I place a lot of value in our family and probably too much on appearances because I work really hard to look like I’m holding it all together with ease. If you know me, you probably know that I am the chaos coordinator. With ADD and two under three, I spend most of my day relying on schedules and caffeine. Sometimes, I feel like I am hanging on a thred without a lifeboat, but that’s life. Now, logically, as a Christian, I know that putting God first is a good place to start. Things fall into place when you can trust God with the outcome, but I’ve never been the best at letting go. The phrase “let go and let God” is such a beautiful concept, but I am terrible at relinquishing anything. I claim that I let it go, but then I pick it back up. If I’m being honest, in those moments, I’m playing God, and I am not good at it. So, how do we relinquish control? How do we put it down without picking it back up? If you have suggestions, I’m all ears. Unfortunately, my friends, if you thought I had wisdom for this, I don’t. I am team struggle bus as much as anyone else here might be. What I can tell you is that we have so much around us that we can value things we can make our idols and place over God, but these things won’t bring satisfaction. Sure, it covers temporary pleasures and can be great for a while, but that feeling won’t last. This week, I’m being intentional and really looking at what I value in my life and how to re-structure my values to put God above it all.
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Keep on Keeping on
When people ask how I’m doing, I tend to answer, living my best life. There are times when I mean that in the most sarcastic way ever, but then there are days when I really am. I struggle with the image of perfection when it comes to seeing social media persona. I see people who work so many hours and still manage to run marathons with fresh hand-picked gourmet quality meals on the table or jet setting mom bosses who can travel all over the world while raising their children in the best ways. In comparison to them? I’m epically failing. I write a blog, wrangle miniature dinosaurs, and juggle volunteer positions without looking flawless. Y’all, it’s enough to make a girl ugly cry. The problem here is comparison. We are all victims of it. We see what people want us to see. We put on social media what we want people to see, which means there might be someone out there who compares themselves to us. Instead of comparing our lives to what others have or wanting what others have, what would our lives look like if we nourished and cared for what we have? What would we look like if we cultivated our talents and used our gifts? Could we end the comparison game? When we look at others and feel less than because we perceive that someone else is living life better than we are and can do things better than we can, we are letting the enemy steal our joy. We are falling into a trap of self-deprecating and negative thoughts about ourselves that just aren’t true. When you scroll on social media and see people who are killing it at life, don’t despair because you are amazing too. Run your race, let others run theirs and cheer them on to the finish.
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Nothing to see here
We spent the past almost twoish months studying the book of Jonah. As I mentioned previously, Jonah was known as the angry prophet because of his reaction to when God sent him to the Ninevites to call them to repent. Jonah took a ship in the opposite direction from Ninevah to Tarshish. A great storm came, and Jonah was thrown overboard with a whale swallowing him. Spending 3 days in the belly of the whale did not appear to soften Jonah’s heart. Yes, he left the whale and went to Ninevah, but he didn’t give the most eloquent speech. Jonah basically said, “Repent or you get destroyed in 40 days,” so the Ninevites repented and clothed themselves in sackcloth and sat in ashes. God was pleased and spared the ninevites. As a prophet, you would imagine that Jonah would be pleased, right? Absolutely not. He was so angry because God forgave His enemies. Jonah believed that the ninevites deserved death and destruction. If you think about it, we do the same thing. Our pastor mentioned last night that sometimes we root for people to fail. We place our happiness on whether or not people who make us angry have a good or bad deal. We become indignant when our enemies are blessed and act like Jonah, or we celebrate when they are struggling and think about how much better we are than they are. Either way, we are so fixated on another person that we aren’t fixated on God and what God is doing in our lives because we are watching someone else so closely. What would our life be like if we fixated on God as much as we fixate on others and their lives? What blessings would we see in our lives if we let go of anger, bitterness, pain, and rage and instead chose to forgive? When we were asked if we saw ourselves in Jonah, to be painfully honest, I raised my hand because I’m ashamed to say I have wished evil on my enemies and celebrated their misery. Our pastor pointed out that this is completely opposite of what the gospel calls us to do. When we truly understand the gospel, we realize that people are made by God and loved by Him. What he pointed out is that the only thing we should care about others is if they know Jesus or not. God tends to put people in our lives that we can’t stand, but those are sometimes the same people we are called to pray for. I can’t tell you this is an easy calling. It sometimes pains my existence to pray for those who irk me the most, but obedience is a choice that I have to make.
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A Whale of a Tale
The story of Jonah is pretty well known, but we are diving a lot deeper into the angry prophet as he was called in church the past few weeks. What I have learned from Jonah so far is this;
1. He didn’t like what God called him to so he ran
2. He went as far as he possibly could to avoid God’s task because he hate Ninevah and its people
3. When he ended up in the whale, his heart posture changed. He knew he needed a second chance and asked for it.
4. He went to Ninevah (after being spit up by a whale on dry land) and told the people that if they don’t repent, God is destroying the city.
Of course, we are all more like Jonah than we want to admit. Sometimes, we are called to do hard things. A recent example for me is God calling me to pray for a couple of individuals that I am not fond of. Do I want to do this? Not especially. Am I the best person to pray for people who have attempted to make my life harder over and over again? Not always. Will I be obedient to God’s call? I will do my best. God calls us to be obedient and puts us in situations that will allow us to choose whether or not to follow Him. Jonah started off with a choice of disobedience, but God pursued him none the less and gave him a second chance. God also gives us second chances to follow him and be obedient. God can bring us from the darkest depths of despair into a new life if we let Him. It amazes me how God pursues us every day. He wants our hearts and for us to trust Him with all things in our lives. How amazing is that love? How fantastic is it that we are searched for by the creator of the universe? That’s a strong love.
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Throwing Stones
Do you ever compare yourself to others? You meet someone or look at an acquaintance and think “at least I am not THAT bad”. This happens most often when we dislike the individual. We tell ourselves that we are the better mom, wife, or person overall. There are times we could be tempted to wish for negative thing to happen in their life, or worse relish in it when something awful does happen. I have been known to be a petty person who can be known to hold a serious grudge. When I have been wronged, or someone in my family has been, I would go on the offensive. I would research any way I could to enact some sort of revenge. However, I was convicted that this is the absolutely wrong way to handle negativity and pain. In our Bible study group, we have been reading the book of John where we learn about Jesus’ miracles and discussions with various people. The two stories that stood out to me regarding judgement were the woman at the well and the woman accused of adultery. In both cases Jesus knew what they had done and told both women to “go forth and sin no more”. Jesus did not condemn the woman at the well but told her everything she had ever done. Unlike the community around her, Jesus offered forgiveness. As for the woman who committed adultery, Jesus told the crowd that “he who is without sin should cast the first stone”. Each person went away until Jesus and the woman were the only two left, but he did not throw a stone, he forgave and told her not to sin anymore. That left the impression on me that if the only person who was qualified to throw stones did not, then who do I think I am to try? If God sees all sins as equal, what right do I have to judge any of my sins as lesser? It is a challenge when you fight yourself to change in the ways that God lays on your heart, but to die to yourself every day in order to follow God’s will makes it all worth it.
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Dear Anxiety
Content note: This post discusses anxiety, self-doubt, and mental health.
This week has been unsettling. It has not been due to anything in particular, just an increase in stress, anxiety, and an overall fear that nothing was going right. Now that the week is over, I imagine these feelings were due to new projects that I have been working on. I finished ombudsman training and spent the past two weeks wracking my brain on a magazine article that is due Tuesday. Both of these endeavors were not planned, but welcome none the less. When I am working on something that feels out of my element, I tend to have a little quiet voice in the back of my head that tells me I am not good enough. A voice that says “who do you think you are? What could you possibly contribute to magazines, devotionals, or prayers? What do you even know? I used to let that voice overpower my thoughts and convince me that I am not worthy. I started fighting back against those thoughts by telling myself that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14-16). The voice that tells me I have no purpose is a liar, God has made all of us for a purpose. He created each of us in His image, so why do we let that voice win? Why do we allow the small, quiet voice tell us that we are not enough? Why should that voice have authority over God’s creation? When you consider those questions, the answer should be it shouldn’t. God has dominion over all things, even that small, quiet voice. Equip yourself with God’s word as your weapon and anxiety can be defeated. If you would like for us to pray for or with you, please click the contact us button.
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What a (New) Year
New Year, same me but better. I am not picking a resolution (as mentioned in my previous post), but I am still making changes. One of these changes involves my parenting style. I know many of you have read the unstoppable force that is our daughter, but I found myself struggling with parenting a strong-willed individual. The changes I am making are based on a couple of books (Thank you, Dr. Dobson and the authors behind grace based discipline) but also prayer. I get frustrated, and I raise my voice so she gets frustrated and raises her voice. Both people are now frustrated and overwhelmed with nothing solved. The change I made was finding the intent behind the behavior and being consistent. If my children’s behavior was not okay yesterday, it would not be okay today. Through this, they are learning expectations, and I am learning to modify my expectations. Perfection is not something that we should expect from anyone, but I tend to expect it from myself, so I worry that I will place that expectation on my children. The funny secret I have learned is that I have to change how I speak to, or about, myself in order to avoid my little ones picking up these habits. Learning patience with my children has given me patience towards myself, funny how that works out. It is currently day two into the New Year, and I have been successful and also failed, but I am picking myself up and will continue to move forward with being the best mom I can be.
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Anchored Where We Grow
Faith, marriage, family, and military life—rooted in grace and grounded in real life.
I’m Sharon Kozak: Christian wife, mom, military spouse, marriage educator and coach, advocate, and Marriage & Family Therapy student.
Stay anchored. Tend the roots. Turn toward the Light. Make room to grow.
