As a military spouse of almost six years, I do not pretend to know everything about military life or marriage as a whole. I do know, however, that one of the major problems tends to be communication. This week, I will break down the different communication styles and techniques that might be involved with military relationships starting with boot camp.

Boot camp is anywhere from 8 to 13 weeks, depending on the branch. During this time, recruits learn to work as a team and the fundamentals of their chosen branch. The main communication option for families with a loved one in boot camp is letters. Calls are allowed as the recruits move through the levels, but they are not lengthy. Communication during boot camp can be difficult due to a variety of challenges. The service member is going through abnormal levels of stress that is uncommon to them. They are experiencing a new routine, sleeping less than they might normally, sharing a room with multiple people, and constantly trying to follow the rules and keep up with all the knowledge they are expected to have at graduation. The spouse is experiencing changes as well. This may be the longest separation period of the marriage thus far. They are now doing all the work at home that might have once been divided, and there is little communication. Writing letters can be difficult due to the time period it takes to send and receive letters. It’s possible for letters to arrive out of order, which is why it is recommended to number the letters so the person can read them in order. Furthermore, it is almost impossible to discuss important matters via letter because of the time period between sending and receiving letters.

What is some communication advice for couples who are experiencing boot camp separation?

If possible, leave important conversations tabled until they can be held on the phone or in person. In order to have a productive conversation, it is better to wait until both people can be present and actually hear the intention behind their partner’s words. If an important conversation is time sensitive and can not be tabled, do not make assumptions on the tone of the other person, and it is okay to ask clarifying questions either over the phone or through writing. Furthermore, it is okay to tell your spouse you love and miss them. It’s okay to talk about your daily life and ask questions about what boot camp is like. Finally, I recommend being encouraging because both people are going through a hard time. Communication is hard anyway, but communication where your only options are writing and short phone calls can be more daunting.