I was never a big fan of tulips. When I was younger, I always thought they looked odd and did not have the charm of many other flowers. Imagine my surprise when we moved to Michigan, and our yard had pink tulips. It’s interesting when you live somewhere as cold and ever changing as Michigan to watch for signs of a permanent spring. I have spent the past two months observing these pink tulips, weather frost, rain, snow, and a very persistent toddler who enjoyed trying to pull petals off and sniff them. I’ve noticed our tulips are resilient and have strong roots, God made them withstand the storms with delicate petals. God designed us the same way. We are made to withstand the storms of life and to have strong roots in our faith in God. Like tulips, we experience seasons of growth and seasons of pruning that are meant to prepare us. When you look at it this way, tulips are not half bad flowers. In fact, I think these beautiful bulbs are starting to grow on me. Today, my daughter and I spent our afternoon picking some of the tulips (the ones that fully bloomed and would soon lose its petals) in order to enjoy the beauty of these flowers inside our home. As the tulips grow, so will my children, and I look forward to watching them both.

I have a Bible app (youversion if you’re curious), which gives me a Bible verse of the day. I have other study plans in there, but the first thing that pops up when I open the app is that verse. Yesterdays verse was Galatians 2:20, which says, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in the earthly body by trusting in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”. Galatians is a book in the Bible that was actually a letter written by Paul to the church of Galatia. He was chastising the church for following a false gospel and the old belief that following the laws of the Old Testament is how they get to heaven. Jesus paid the price for the Old Testament laws. He was the unblemished lamb required for the sacrifice of the sins of the world. The gospel says our belief in Jesus Christ and accepting him as our savior is how we join God in heaven. It is not through our merits because sin causes a debt we can never pay, but Jesus did with love. Galatians gave me a new perspective of the Holy Spirit because I learned more about what God sent the Holy Spirit for. It was meant to live inside of us, to move and guide us after we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts and lives. This means dying to ourselves. What Paul called for is for our old selves, the selfish sinful nature that we have, to die. Once we accept Jesus, we are free from the hold that sin had on our past selves and wiped clean. Our slate is empty, the debt is paid, we are white as snow and a completely new creation. We must die to live, and that is such a beautiful representation of what Jesus did for us. He died so we could live. Thus, we must die so he can live in us. Dying to ourselves is a choice we must make daily. We aren’t immune to sin when we are saved, but we can recognize it more than we once did. We can feel the motivation, the conviction to walk away from sin because of the Holy Spirit. Every morning, I wake up with the goal of dying to myself, and every night, I pray that God will prune anything in me that does not give glory to him. The choice is yours, dear reader. Are you willing to die to yourself for life? It’s not an easy task, I struggle every single day with temptation. Through prayer, I can make it, and with confession, I will be forgiven for it and continuously washed white as snow.

Confessing your feelings can be scary in the most ideal circumstances. Confessing your sins is worse. Sin brings shame, guilt, anxiety, sadness, fear, and pain. These are the portions of our lives that we desperately want to stuff down. The darkness that resides inside of us that we don’t want anyone to see. People may not see these parts of us, but God does. He knows every hair on our head, every ounce of our heart. God knows our innermost thoughts and everything we try to hide. Why is it that when we are the most ashamed, fearful, anxious, and unhappy, we hide ourselves from God. We push ourselves away. We see ourselves as less than and unworthy. We run from the one who can make us whole again, who washes us clean as snow. God doesn’t want us to run from Him when we make mistakes. He wants us to run towards Him for comfort, forgiveness, and peace. The way we gain this peace is through confession. We are told that we should confess our sins to one another so that we may be healed (James 5:16). Confessing out loud is intimidating. We are afraid that we are opening ourselves up to judgment from others and rejection from our church family. But, what if we find the opposite? Healing, compassion, love, mercy, kindness? All of these things can be given to us from God, but also from our church, who accept us with open arms and prayerful intercession because of their love for us. Tonight, I attended a prayer night at our church. I attended with the intention of being there for others as a member of the prayer team. However, I found that I needed healing, too. I found myself confessing my sins to another member of our team. At first, I was ashamed and afraid of how others would see me, but then I realized that if I was not judging others, then why would I assume I was being judged? Everyone was there for the same reason. We all needed healing, prayer, compassion, and forgiveness. I was forgiven and anointed with oil. I gave myself over to God for help and to relinquish all hold to him. The more I give myself to God, the more temptation I have. The more Satan attacks, the more I need God. The Lord is my strength. He is my rock and my fortress. I pray that God will bless all of you.

I can be very vain. I like having recognition for what I do, what I write, and how clever I think I am. Don’t get me wrong, I write just as much for everyone else as I do myself. I write for parents who experience the chaos that I do. I write for the overwhelmed moms who have a sense of humor. I write for people who desire to see the beauty in their chaos. I write for people who desire to seek God in the mundane tasks of the day. I also write with the curiosity of who is going to read this. Will I influence someone’s life? Will I be the next important blogger with a book and recognition? Yeah, I have some crazy big ideas, but that’s not supposed to be the purpose of this. My writing was started as a way to honor God. It shouldn’t become God. Anything that takes our time away from God becomes our God, when we obsess over likes, comments, shares, the internet clout of the day that becomes our God. I feel ashamed, to be very honest. What I desired to be a way to connect to God almost was a way to cause me to stray. I went into this wanting to help others, to help myself, and most importantly, to glorify God. I wanted to talk about the pieces of my life and what I see every day that leads me back to God and his purpose. I want others to know they are not alone and that God loves them. I am not going to obsess over my numbers anymore. I believe God will reveal these posts to the people who need to see them. I am not going to worry about whether people like what I write anymore because that’s not what’s important. What’s important is sharing God and honoring what he does for me every day. I am not going to write to gain fans, I am going to write authentically and unapologetically with my faith and God at the forefront of all things because it is in HIM that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I am confessing to the world that I have been vain, foolish, self-serving, self-centered, and placed something meant to honor God ahead of Him. I ask for forgiveness, for prayer, and know that God’s mercy is abounding if we just ask.