Content note: This post includes discussion of eating disorders, anxiety and depression, grief, and pregnancy loss.

This past Saturday, I celebrated my 32nd birthday. When you think about it, that’s a long time. Three decades of life that provided a great deal of memories, both good and bad. In this period of time, I have learned about God’s never-ending grace. Throughout most of my life, I felt abandoned by God. I thought everything bad that had happened was due to the mistakes I made. I thought the sins I had committed made God turn his back on me and allow the pain I experienced. From eating disorders, insecurity, anxiety, depression, experiencing close loved ones dying, failed relationships, miscarriage, loneliness, all of these things in my life were not a result of God leaving me. God was with me always. He was just waiting for me to reach my arms out and call him. I didn’t become a Christian until I was 28, I grew up Catholic, but I did not really have a relationship with God. It took a period of intense heartbreak and loss to help me turn to him. I was at a point where it felt as if I had nothing to lose, so why not try to get closer with God? It was uncomfortable and scary even because I had to take a long, hard look at myself and measure against who and what God calls me to be. I had to learn to let go of anger, bitterness, control, fear, insecurity, basically everything that was holding me back from truly seeking God. I would be lying if I said I was past all of these behaviors, but I still struggle. I am human, and human nature is to sin. I do, however, try daily to give my weaknesses to God in the hope that he will help me. God hasn’t failed me, and he won’t fail you either. The positive part of these three decades? I have loved and been loved by amazing family, great friends, and an amazing husband. I have two beautiful babies that are nothing more than miracles. I have a relationship with God that grows daily and the opportunity to share his word with others. I reignited my passion for writing, achieved academic success, lived in various parts of the country, and met many new people. I am blessed beyond measure and working tirelessly on being grateful every day for everything I have been given. Living this long has been a blessing and I pray for many more years.