Content note: This post discusses miscarriage and pregnancy loss.

Two weeks ago, I was in the emergency room due to losing a baby. I was not far along in my pregnancy, but my heart was breaking none the less. I laid in a bed in a triage room, wondering all of the things I could have done wrong. Could I have been more careful? Did I miss something that could have helped me carry this baby to term? Are the polyps back that prevented my pregnancies prior to our daughter and son from sticking? What can I do next time? Logically, I know I did nothing wrong. There is nothing that could have changed the loss of our precious child. Our little one is with God instead of me. Although heartbreaking, it is comforting to know that they are healthy and whole. Prior to delving into my faith, I was always angry at God for losing children. I felt as if I was being punished. I thought God did not hear my pain or that he didn’t care. This loss is different, I did not feel left behind by God. In fact, I found comfort in his word. The circumstances of my life may not have changed, not fully anyway, but what I run to has. Rather than hiding inside myself, I run to God’s word. I allow myself to be prayed for and over. I allow myself to mourn, but not to isolate. I pray God will grant us another child, but I know that it is in his time.