Is it possible to have a fair fight in marriage? Absolutely! My husband and I needed to learn how to fight the problem and not each other. In marriage, fighting is a big part of what leads to divorce. The fighting itself is not the problem, it is how the fights are conducted that causes the problem. When arguing, it is important to focus on the problem. For example, if you are struggling financially, arguing over who is spending the most amount of money will not solve the problem of not having enough. The problem will be solved by sitting together and discussing what can be cut from the budget. Pulling together as a team, not allowing yourselves to be divided is important to the marriage. God called for marriage to be the joining of a couple with him, a cord of three strands cannot be broken (Ecclesiastes, 4:12). There are many verses regarding marriage in the Bible, and many of those highlight the importance of the two people coming together to make one. Fighting the other person in your marriage is, essentially, fighting yourself. What I have learned in our first four years of marriage, regarding arguing is this, 1. Do not bring up past problems. When you say they are settled, then let them be settled. I have to be honest; I do not always do this. It is so easy to fall into the trap of staying angry about a problem. It is easy to fall back into the temptation when losing an argument to bring up past disagreements. Unfortunately, I fall into this trap, and it is ugly. 2. Fight solely about the problem. Do not call names, hit below the belt by using the other person’s weaknesses (or fears) against them. Again, something I learned in a very difficult way. I am not one to fight fair. I have made comments that have hurt my husband and I am so ashamed of what I have said in our time together that has hurt him. It’s unfortunate how often we are likely to hurt the ones we love because we know they will still love us. I am great at pushing people away when I am hurting, scared, or believe that someone will just leave me anyways. My husband, thankfully, loves me through the hard times as I love him. 3. Keep the debate between you two. Sometimes it is good to have an outside sounding board when it comes to disagreements but there are a couple of things to know. The person you confide in should be someone you trust to guide you and your spouse. This person should also be rooting for your marriage. This person should know the truth of the argument, meaning you have to be honest on your words too. When confiding in a person about debates in marriage, pick someone who you trust not only has your best interest at heart, but is also a mentor that encourages both of you to be better (and honors God themselves). 3. Give your spouse, and yourself, grace. Love covers a multitude of sins. 4. If you are in an abuse situation, talk to someone you trust. Do not accept mistreatment and know that God never meant for love to hurt. Abuse is not okay! All in all, when fighting in a marriage fight fair. Fight the problem and love each other.